I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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