If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
