i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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