Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
