you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Oh god it's open bar.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
