Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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