I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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