Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
