I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
