they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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