Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
How's work?
Spinning.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
