I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
