I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
