Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
