mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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