just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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