So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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