I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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