i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
