like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
