Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
