I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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