I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
