I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
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I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
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I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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