last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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