Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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