There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
