Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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