We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
