I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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