I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
