i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
