maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
