dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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