i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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