okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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