ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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