I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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