i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
