you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I skipped work to stalk him.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
