I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
