Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
