ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
