he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
