I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
worst night to have a conscience
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
