she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
