I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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