Nicole vs. Life
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
