Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
