Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Let's paint friendship bongs
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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