just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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