is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
