drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
