The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
