just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
