I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
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I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
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Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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