If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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