Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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