So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
