Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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