Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
