So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
