we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Randomize
