just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
