Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
