Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
