She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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