I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
