Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
