I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
