you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
