dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I think my moral compass just broke
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