I will die if light touches me.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
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... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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