Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
