My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
