you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
