Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
