i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
