8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
