White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Enjoy the penises
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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