I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
