so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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