see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
