if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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