Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
