dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Dignity is for republicans.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
