and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
