FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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