i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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