Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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