before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
