Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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