5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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